A Open Letter to Annoying Filmgoers

I almost included this blurb in my review of The Conjuring 2, but I judged that that wasn't the right place for it. However, in light of my screening for The Conjuring 2, I feel that audience etiquette must be addressed:

Dear Audience Members Who Forget Themselves,

If you do go see this film [The Conjuring 2], or in fact any movie at the theater, please be respectful of the other patrons in the auditorium. An evening show costs over $20 for two people, and we really don't want to hear your personal audio commentary track. If I wanted one, I'd buy the Blu-Ray, and those are by professional people who say things of worth. My mother and I watched the first film on Amazon and really enjoyed it, so we were excited to spend quality time enjoying the sequel in the theater. However, during a really tense scene, some people in our theater, you four in particular, were talking and giggling, and later singing along to Patrick Wilson's Elvis (which is a great character moment and a lovely scene), disrupting the entire atmosphere. Mother, bless her heart, snapped at them sternly and politely, finally shutting you up.

If you went to see a scary movie, I'm sure the only scary thing you wanted to see was up on the screen, but if you insist on being insufferable, you'll have a bunch of angry-faced patrons staring into your soul. And that will suck. So if your normal exercise is to talk during a movie, stay at home and wait for the DVDs, so the rest of us can enjoy a high-quality movie the way it was intended: with perfect surround sound and image quality, and none of your voice. I know this doesn't apply to many of my dear readers, who stumbled upon this note and respect movies and other people, in which case the "yous" used in this memorandum, can be ignored. There are others, though, who should not fool themselves. Don't think of yourselves at the movies, and don't merely think of the case of me and my mother. Think of others. After all, Jesus said, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." And I'm pretty sure you wouldn't want me talking during your quality time after spending $20 either. And that's without a jumbo popcorn.

Sincerely,
Patrons of Cinema and Good Times

Don't let this be your audience. Be respectful during the motion picture.